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Draft
night in prison
by Seth "Soul Man" Ferranti / July 3, 2004
Bars on the windows,
double hurricane razor-wire fences and all that. Jockeying for position
and arguing over seating arrangements. Trying to get the best angle possible
so they could get the 411 and see who their mob grabs. In FCI
Gilmer,
cats live and die with the NBA. Regular season, finals, draft, free agency.
It's all good.
As the draft was about
to start, a big prisoner called Tank walks into
the TV room late, kicking chairs and making his way to the front, creating
his own little space right in front of the TV.
As someone starts
to protest, Tank shuts them up with a glare. "You trying to see me?"
he says flexing his 22-inch biceps. When nobody says nada, Tank turns
around to the TV and mutters, "I'm tired of these chumps. Now let's
get some help for AI,
baby."
Because you know Big
Tank is from Philly and he rides with the Sixers.
It's kinda quiet in
the pre-show as dudes are wondering who will go #1 and who their team
will get. Murder from Motown, still with the championship glow,
breaks the silence.
"Who you all
think's going first?" he says.
"Whoever's name
they call, nigga. Now shut the fuck up,” Tanks says.
A couple of prisoners
laugh out loud to Murder's detriment. He just got clowned and he can't
do anythin about it because Tank's one big fella. King of the TV room.
David Stern comes out to start the draft and says how 200 countries around the globe
are watching the event. But he doesn't say anything about the two million
people sitting in America's prisons. I guess being in here, we don't count.
But at least we get some shine on HoopsHype.
Dick Vitale is prattling on in the background, decrying the state of college basketball
and all the high school-to-pro defections – putting in his two cents
and the like as the first selection is made.
Dwight
Howard, the Choir Boy from ATL, is selected first by Orlando.
The third high schooler selected with the first pick in the last four
years. Will he be Kevin
Garnett or will he be Kwame
Brown? Only the future will tell, but in the TV room dudes
are more concerned with being heard right now.
"Yo, man, he'll
be jive-balling with T-Mac,
yo," says a boricua called Sport.
"No way, Stevie
Franchise gonna be down there," says Murder.
"Steve Francis
is a crybaby," Wild Bill puts in. "They should of took Okafor.
Francis wants to win right now."
"Steve Francis
ain't winning shit anywhere. That nigga would cry if he had Shaq,"
Big Tank concludes.
But the Choir Boy
is in Orlando for real. "He could be nice," says Main-man
Tone. "He got handle, size, and he can shoot."
He'll definitely get
some burn with the Magic because they are in rebuilding mode now. Jay
Z's "99 Problems" is playing on the adjacent TV, which stays
locked on BET, and I have a feeling that Jay Z's song is a foreshadowing
of the lives these young players who get drafted are coming into. From
the hood to millionaire status, it can't be easy. But on the real, it
must be nice.
The expansion Charlotte
Bobcats take Emeka Okafor next and T-Y says, "Man,
Orlando should have taken him. He's gonna be vicious."
Dicky V agrees, saying
how Orlando fucked up and should have taken the defensive-minded Okafor,
comparing him to a young Alonzo
Mourning.
The No. 3 pick is
Chi-town’s and the Bulls pick is a surprise as Okafor's teammate, fellow Husky and national champion Ben Gordon is selected to play in the Windy City and try to live up to the Jordan legacy.
"Fuck,"
yells Tank. "That was the Sixers' pick. Imagine him and AI running
the break."
But it will never
be.
"Damn, the Bulls
jumped on that dude quick." Murder says. "And check out that
big ass Bulls hat, he looks like Elmer Fudd," Murder continues,
clowning Ben Gordon as he sits down for an interview.
The Clippers are up next and they pick Shaun
Livingston, the 6-foot-7 beanpole high school point guard.
"The paperclips got Magic II," says Main-man Tone.
At #5 the Wizards take Devin
Harris, who has been compared to Steve
Nash, and trade him to Dallas,
getting Antawn
Jamison in return. At #6, the Hawks pick Josh
Childress, Mr. Silky Smooth himself, from Stanford.
"He gonna be
partying down in ATL," says Murder.
"Yeah, and he
got the fro working too. Check out ma-dukes talking about his fro,"
Wild Bill puts in.
"What up with
the white boy from Oregon?" says King, coming in late to the action.
"He can shoot."
"Ain't nobody
pick the cracker yet. You act like that muthafucka's Larry Bird or something," Tank growls.
The white boy, Luke
Jackson, goes to Cleveland,
where he'll be getting lots of open jumpers, courtesy of LeBron James. And I wonder if
he'll feel disrespected if a white guy guards him.
But before that pick,
Phoenix takes Luol
Deng of the Dinka tribe by way of Duke and Toronto throws a curve ball selecting the big BYU center Rafael
Araujo.
When its time for
Philly’s pick Tank boldly predicts, "We taking Jameer
Nelson." But
it’s not to be as Andre
Iguodala is selected by the Sixers. "Who the fuck
is that?" Tank demands.
"Who the fuck
is that? Some Nigerian nigga?"
"Naw, dog,"
Murder says, ever the hoopologist. "He from Arizona. He a beast."
Tank looks relieved
then recognizing Murder's NBA knowledge. "Oh, yeah," he says.
"He like that. Good cuz AI needs some help. The man can't do it all
himself."
Murder rolls with
it trying to get back in with Big Tank.
"Yeah, Tank,
it's gonna be the Answer and the Freak. That's what they call the Arizona
cat. The Freak, you know."
Tank looks back and
frowns, "Shut up nigga, you don't like Philly. Stop fronting, you
a hater." A couple of dudes laugh again at Murder's expense.
The draft rolls on
with more high schoolers, eight in total, a new record, going in the first
round. And several others internationals are selected. Andris
Biedrins, the Latvian banger being the first international,
going to Golden
State. "The NBA draft goes fast as shit," Wild
Bill observes. And everyone keeps commenting on how Jameer Nelson is gonna
go next.
The ESPN camera keeps
cutting to him looking sad as he slides toward the bottom of the first
round.
"That nigga is
crushed," says Main-man Tone. "Look at his face."
When Portland picks Bassy 13th to the surprise of the analysts and the TV room, it is a New York
moment but the only one of the evening since the Knicks don't got a first-round draft pick.
When Tom Tolbert informs us that Kris
Humphries, who was selected by the Jazz,
benched 185 lbs. 22 times, Tank turns around and says, "185, shit,
I can curl that shit 22 times."
And no one in the
TV room disputes that.
"I don't understand
why Portland didn't take Jameer Nelson," says Murder. As the high
schoolers continue to fly off the board they relegate the college players
like Jameer to second-class citizens kinda like how Don Diva makes FEDS
look like some shit. But finally at #20, Denver picks Jameer.
"Why the fuck
they pick him?" Murder says. "They got Andre
Miller and little Earl already."
And the answer to
that comes minutes later, as David Stern reports that Orlando has acquired
the rights to Nelson, the national collegiate player of the year, from
Denver in a trade.
"Look out,"
Murder says, "The Choir Boy and Jameer. They gonna be tearing it
up."
"Shut up fool,"
Tank says. "You don't like no Orlando. Stop whaling."
Murder grits his mouth
like he's jive-mad at the third putdown from Tank but again he doesn't
do nothing. It's almost count time anyhow.
Main-man Tone says,
"Man I like that boy Dorell
Wright that Miami took. He's gonna be a beast. Just watch. With Odom and Wade.
They gonna be vicious."
The selection of Pavel
Podkolzin brings some jeers too.
"How tall that
muthafucka?" says Wild Bill. "He looks like Georghe Muresan too. Big-ass caveman-looking cracker."
As the C/0 calls lockdown,
I'm left wondering which of the high schoolers will turn into a superstar
because they're so many at least one or two of them gotta be. But I know
the draft is a gamble. A gamble on potential and a team could end up with Kobe or T-Mac. But then again, they could end up with Kwame Brown. You never
know, but for real I like Shaun Livingston because you know the Paper
Clips are my mob.
I decided to stay
in my cell after count because I noticed Murder talking to his homeboys
and they were all looking in Big Tank's direction. That might mean drama
and if the shit jumps off in the TV room, I ain't trying to be around.
Just another day in prison, I think. NBA draft and all.
Seth "Soul Man" Ferranti, federal prison number 18205-083, is housed at FCI Loretto. Previously he resided at FCI Fairton, FCI Fort Dix, FCI Beckley and FCI Manchester. He has been a regular contributor to HoopsHype.com since 2003
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Soul Man is the world's leading prison basketball journalist. He also writes for Don Diva, Elemental, Vice and Slam.
