HoopsHype.com Columns

Welcome to the Southern Conference
by Jon Finkel / March 30, 2002

Being a Celtics fan at my age is like showing up to a bachelor party as the stripper puts her clothes on. All you hear the rest of the night is how hot her body was. Well, I wasn't even 10 when Bird, Parish and McHale last won a ring - all I hear about was how awesome they were - how I should've seen Red Auerbach coach and how I should've seen how great Russell and Cousy and Heinsohn and Cowens and both Jones' were on the court. Well, I didn't.

I've seen M.L. Carr try and coach and Pitino choke. I've seen scrubs named Eric Montross and Acie Earl on the court and I'm waiting to see if this Brown (Kedrick) lives up to some of the hype the other Brown (Dee) started to live up to. But right now, I can't complain. They're going to make the playoffs after the longest drought in franchise history. With Pierce and Walker, I feel like I'm showing up to the bachelor party just as the leopard thong hits the floor.

So, as my beloved Celtics exit the .350% and under club, I welcome its members. Chicago, Denver, Golden State and Memphis, you are all comfortably in. Cleveland, as of print time, is .352, but has been hovering all season, so the velvet rope is lifted and they are allowed in. By season's end, who knows? Cleveland may leave and New York and Houston may join, but for now, let's focus on the most likely members, none of which have more than 3 wins in their last ten games.

COMMON PROBLEMS

From what I can see, there are several common problems the Bulls, Nuggets, Warriors, Grizzlies and Cavs share. The first of which, is poor draft choices. You can't build a competitive team without smart moves in the draft. Recently, these teams have consistently made poor choices and/or traded away a smart pick. But we can get more specific with something called the Bryant/McGrady Rule. *Chicago is exempt from this because at the time these guys were drafted, MJ and company were still the biggest pimps in the league.

The Bryant/McGrady Rule, formerly known as the Sam Bowie Rule, states clearly that if you passed up on one of these guys for someone who is currently riding the pine or making new Club Chalupa's at Taco Bell, you almost deserve to be in the Southern Conference. I know, here comes the "At the time" excuse, as in, 'at the time' of the draft you can't fault a team for taking a great college player over a long shot high-schooler. Well, 'at the time', someone else knew that the high schoolers in question weren't such long shots. The scouts for your team should have known that also. Don't get mad. I'm in your boat on this. The C's drafted Chauncey Billups and Ron Mercer over T-Mac. Not good.

Another factor is the Clippers' Effect. Listen, I like the Clips. You're not going to find a more exciting team to go watch in the NBA on a given night. But, I'm talking about the Los Angeles Clippers of old as being one of the worst franchises in sports. Up until this year and maybe the second half of last, being associated with the Clippers was like stepping in dog poop. Everyone knows you did, they feel bad for you, but you were stupid or unlucky, you stink and they want you to leave.

The Clippers' Effect basically says that if you have one or more players who, in any way were associated with the Clippers (played, drafted) in their careers, your team will suffer. The more players, the more losses. I don't know why, for the most part, that's the rule. Of the top five teams in the League, the Kings, Lakers and Nets have no ex-Clippers. Dallas has Danny Manning, but he could ball if he didn't get hurt and waste half his career with the Clips. Somehow, the Spurs, who have Charles Smith and Cherokee Parks, have avoided the Effect, so far. If they get swept again by the Lakers, you'll know why.

THE TEAMS

Chicago Bulls

Chicago is new to sucking, but they're getting good at it. In the three full season since the Bulls won their championships, they combined for 45 wins. 17 less than MJ's last year. They were like MC Hammer during their separate championship streaks. Nothing could go wrong and everyone was a fan. Then Jordan left, the fans left, the fame left and they can't even muster a 'Pumps in a Bump' encore. They are at rock bottom. But here's what Bulls fans have to look forward to.

They got Jalen Rose. He's signed through the '07 season and he's good for 23-5-5 a night. With the right point guard play either by Jamal Crawford healing and playing well or with Jason Williams in the draft, he could make a great Robin to a Batman. They got Trenton Hassell, a second round pick out of Austin Peay. He's begun to play well at shooting guard. His scoring is increasing as his minutes are up and he could be dropping in 10-12 points a game next year. Marcus Fizer is starting to play solid. He's beginning to score more as seen in his 12.5 points a game and he's starting to crash the boards.

With all this said, the team could look very different next year. The Bulls are in contention to sign Michael Olowokandi from the Clippers (I know, but these are the new Clips, remember). If they can make that deal, the Bulls could be the Redwood Forest of the NBA and have a possible lineup of Olowokandi at center, Curry at the 4, Chandler at the 3, Eddie Robinson at shooting guard and Jalen Rose at point. If they also manage to draft Jason Williams, Jalen would move to the 2 and this would still be an impressive, young, tall line-up. If that happens, they may easily climb up to .400.

Cleveland Cavs

It's tough to figure out why Cleveland is so bad this year. They've got some players, obviously beginning with Andre Miller. Miller is emerging as one of the top three point guards in the league, and as such the Cavs are paying him a boat load of money - no they're not. Miller makes the 9th most on the team, behind Bimbo Coles. Bimbo Coles? C'mon. Dre is signed for next year, but you better believe that if the team doesn't improve and/or management doesn't offer wads of cash, he may be gone. Which would leave these guys:

Lamond Murray. Murray is having a good year, averaging 17 ppg and 5 boards. He's locked up until '06 and is an asset to this team. Third leading scorer on the team is Ricky Davis with 10.4 a game. He's starting to play well at small forward under Murray. Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Chris Mihm, Michael Doleac and DeSagana Diop are all listed as centers. I guess the Cavs figure that eventually teams will be so desperate for centers they'll just play pin the tail on the tall, slow, big guy from the Cavs at some point and make a trade for a good power forward. Or they could get lucky and draft Drew Gooden. He might be the explosive guy they need to push this team into the .500 category and maybe a playoff berth. They are very likely to leave the .350 club next year.

Clippers' Effect: Brian Skinner and Lamond Murray.
Bryant/McGrady Rule: Took Vitaly Potapenko directly ahead of Kobe Bryant. Ouch.

Denver Nuggets

Denver has a guy named Mengke Bateer playing for them. His old team was the Beijing Ducks. They also have a guy named Chris Andersen. His old team was the Fayetteville Patriots. This is not to say that they aren't good acquisitions, I'm just saying... when your other centers are Zendon Hamilton and Scott Williams, well, at least they went to St. John's and UNC.

Even though the Nuggets just picked up Juwan Howard, the player they must keep is Antonio McDyess. With Tim Hardaway out with a broken foot and getting older, veteran shooter/forward/guard George McCloud may have to play point until young guys Carlos Arroyo and Kenny Satterfield are ready to play something other than cleanup time.

Calbert Cheaney is playing well and James Posey seems to be getting better the more minutes he plays. At last check he was averaging 10.5-6-2.4. Almost anybody they pick up in the draft will be an improvement over who they have, so they should just grab the best player available. No matter who they pick up, it looks like Denver has a table reserved in the back of the .350 club.

Clippers' Effect: McDyess was selected by the Clippers, then traded. Hamilton played there.
Bryant/McGrady Rule: Took Tony Battie five picks over McGrady.
*also took Raef LaFrentz over Jamison, Vince, Dirk, Pierce and Bonzi Wells.

Golden State Warriors

Golden State has athletes. Lots of them. Starting with past dunk contest winner Jason Richardson to Gilbert Arenas to Larry Hughes to Jamison, they have athletic guys who can score. Of all the members of the Southern Conference, the Warriors could make a huge jump next year... if they get a point guard.

Jamison is the team leader. He averages nearly 20 a game and pulls down 7 boards a night. Jason Richardson's play is catching up with his dunks and he's scoring near 14 a game. Hughes puts in almost 13. Hughes and Richardson are both averaging over a steal a game and are starting to play on both ends of the floor, while Hughes is contributing on the glass.

Danny Fortson is averaging a double-double for the season and is an inside presence. The Warriors also have Gilbert Arenas shooting the ball well along with Bobby Sura and Troy Murphy. When you look at all that scoring, you wonder how they haven't won more than 18 games. It's because of the team concept. They just don't have any chemistry. Golden State would benefit tremendously if they drafted a 'pass first' point guard or traded for one. With most of the point guards in the draft scorers, (Wagner, Dickau, Williams) Golden State may be best served with a trade. Give up an athlete or two for someone like an Andre Miller, if he's going to leave the Cavs.

Clippers' Effect: No Clipper's but they make up for it by....
Bryant/McGrady Rule: Took Adonal Foyle one pick over McGrady and Todd Fuller two picks over Kobe. Foyle and Fuller or McGrady and Bryant... Hmmm, kind of like Winphrey and O'Donnell or Spears and Aguilera. Exactly.

Memphis Grizzlies

Memphis has promise. They actually play like they want to win. Pau Gasol and Shane Battier are the best players on the team and they're good guys and they're leaders and they're rookies. That's good. They combine for almost 32 points, 14 boards and 5 assists a night. I know, it sounds like one great player, but that's exactly what the Grizz are missing.

Jason Williams has calmed down a bit from last year. He's scoring 15 a game and he's making better decisions passing the ball. Better, not great. Same with his shot selection. Lorenzen Wright from Atlanta has seen his scoring and boards rise as his playing time rises. He's near a double-double a night. Michael Dickerson, when healthy, is a great shooter and will add some needed scoring to this team. Other notables they have are Brevin Knight, who's hurt, Stromile Swift and Nick Anderson.

Coach Sidney Lowe's team is a great supporting cast. Maybe even an excellent supporting cast. They've got guys who like to play offense and defense as well as guys who want to win. What they need is a superstar to take over the team. Imagine how great they'd be if they'd be with a star small forward. That seems to be their greatest concern. With the move this year and the youngish team they've got, it would seem that this year, despite their lack of winning, has to be considered a good step. Remember, they play in the same division as Dallas, San Antonio, Minnesota and Utah. Fine. They got 23 wins last year. If they equal that, it'll be three consecutive twenty win seasons. That's not bad... if you're Pedro Martinez.

Clippers' Effect: Tony Massenburg and Lorenzen Wright
Bryant/McGrady Rule: Took Shareef ( I know, not a bad pick, but where is he now?) over Kobe and took Antonio Daniels over Tracy McGrady. Not bad, not McGrady, not a Grizzly.

THE SOUTHERN CONFERENCE

Maybe in the near future Golden State and Memphis will hand in their Platinum .350 and under club cards. If Cleveland and Chicago can hang on another year, maybe they'll earn theirs. Denver seemed on their way to turning theirs in last year, but we knew they'd be coming back, so we kept it and it looks like they're here to stay.

And remember, if the Eastern Conference and the Western Conference seem a little tough, relax, don't play hard. You can always come kick it here, in the Southern Conference. Where winning isn't the only thing, because if it was, you'd be contracted.

Jon Finkel is a regular contributor to HoopsHype.com

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