HoopsHype.com Columns

The good, bad and ugly of NBA TV
by Dennis Hans / January 19, 2004

So now is a good time to hand out some awards — and some pies in the face.

Rookie of the Year: Steve Kerr.

He brings a light-hearted sense of humor that’s a welcome contrast from his predecessor, Jeff Van Gundy. His insights — both on the air and his online Yahoo commentaries — are every bit as sharp as his recently retired jumpshot.

Veteran of the Year: Brent Musberger.

It’s great to have this old pro back at the NBA mic.

Stalest act: the Marv Albert and Mike “the Czar” Fratello pretend feud.

This hasn’t been funny in three years. Fratello, the butt of this tired joke, has been a good sport to play along for so long, but it’s time to give it a rest.

Most annoying studio performer: Stephen A. Smith. Honorable mention to Bill Laimbeer.

Most rude: Stephen A. Smith

Least insightful: Stephen A. Smith

Best new color-commentating team: Sean Elliott and Dan Majerle.

Who would have imagined that chiseled, intense “Thunder Dan” would be so laid back and have such a quick and clever wit? He may be the best listener in the business: some of his best deadpan lines have come in reaction to what Sean or the play-by-play guy (Musberger or Brad Nessler) just said. Sean and Dan have established a great rapport, and it comes across on the tube.

Keenest courtside observation: “That’s how you drive!”

Sean Elliott, reacting to a foul called on a player for “lowering his shoulder” to initiate a dribble-drive from outside, was flabbergasted, saying something along the lines of “That’s how you drive! You can’t get up a head of steam if you don’t first lower your shoulder.” Never before in NBA history have there been so many unjustified charging calls on that sort of play, and Elliott put his finger on a big part of the problem: Many of the refs have never driven to the hoop or can’t remember the last time they did. These days, they are reacting to an illusion of a foul rather than an actual foul. (Let’s be clear on this: Sean was talking about a dribble-drive from outside, not some low-post bully steamrolling his way to the hoop.)

Most overused word: “athletic”

Sean uses the term almost as frequently as Ozzy Osbourne utters the F-word. It’s too imprecise, Sean. There are many dimensions of athleticism. What particular attributes of a player’s athletic palette allowed him to make the play that caused you to gush? Retire the A-word!

Best soundbite: Dan Majerle: “No babies allowed”

Easy-going Dan reacted with anger and contempt when Ben Wallace conned the refs with an obvious flop against Erick Dampier late in a close game at Golden State. I like Ben, but the word for what he did on that play is “cheating.” I wonder if that is what his coach, Larry Brown, means when he pontificates about “playing the game the right way.” Dan should start a “Baby of the Week” award, shining an unwelcome spotlight on the phoniest floppers and the coaches who encourage them.

Most ethically challenged color commentator: Doug Collins.

If he had been at the mic for that Pistons-Warriors game, he’d have reviewed Ben’s flop like a theatre critic and congratulated him for making a “smart, veteran play.” Doug may well be the best communicator in the business and a good person away from the court, but he should be removed from the airwaves until he learns right from wrong on the court. He’s a terrible influence on young viewers, who can’t help but learn that it’s okay to deceive the refs, particularly if you’re good at it. Doug would have loved Gaylord Perry.

Now, for some quick fixes:

“ESPN Shootaround.” Dump Smith and Laimbeer. Pair dependable Greg Anthony with just one other analyst; three is too many. Maybe a rotation of George Karl, Tom Tolbert, David Aldridge, Tim Legler and Fred Carter. ESPN apparently did not renew Carter’s contract, a mistake it should immediately rectify. He’s very insightful, and he gives viewers a penetrator’s perspective. It’s hardly surprising that Carter is one of the few voices of sanity on fixing the flawed block/charge interpretation that unduly favors defenders.

ESPN’s Mike Breen and Bill Walton. Walton’s greatest achievement is our worst nightmare. The late Marty Glickman, a sprinter on the 1936 U.S. Olympic Team and a broadcasting legend, helped young Bill overcome a
serious stuttering problem. Bill worked diligently and, in time, fell madly in love with the sound of his own voice: “The elocution, the articulation, the stringing together of well-crafted phrases that rarely make sense.” Bill is whacky and wonderful, so let’s give him a sitcom if he’ll agree to go away. We can team Breen with Tolbert and Karl or Legler and Carter.

Over at TNT, “Inside the NBA” remains the gold standard for pre- and post-game shows. We can always count on Sir Charles to proclaim, when necessary, “The Emperor has no clothes.” (Translation: “This game is the pits.”) Barkley sees the big picture better than anybody, and Kenny “The Jet” Smith is the best at seeing and explaining all the details that form the big picture. They’re entertaining, enlightening and brutally frank.

But we’re going to shake things up a bit by giving Kenny a chance to work courtside every other week alongside Kevin “Excitable Boy” Harlan. Magic Johnson will handle Kenny’s studio role when he’s on the road, and the Czar will work with Harlan when Kenny’s in the studio. Considering all the stuff Czar has put up with over the years — he’s been the ultimate self-sacrificing “role player” at TNT — he deserves some games as a solo color commentator, concentrating on insight and leaving the laughs to others.

That will be a relief for Marv, too. He’ll be revitalized by not having to do that stale old schtick. We’re going to bring back John Thompson to work with Marv and Kerr. There’s no reason Kerr and Thompson can’t create the same odd-couple chemistry that made Thompson and Danny Ainge a delight to listen to. Although Thompson is a little too fond of bruisers and hard foulers for my tastes (Thompson himself was a backup enforcer for the Russell-era Celtics), he knows the game, gets quickly to the point and is a great team player. These guys could be the best power trio since Eric Clapton’s old group Cream.

As a wise person once said, “Change is good."

Dennis Hans’s essays on basketball — including the styles, rhythms and fundamentals of free-throw shooting — have appeared online at the Sporting News and Slate. His writings on other topics have appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post and Miami Herald, among other outlets.

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