Oh, the places you'll coach

Oh, the places you'll coach


Oh, the places you'll coach

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Happy Holidays, everyone.

In this edition of the Diaries, we call on the good Doctor for a “no look” behind the back assist… One Dr. Theodore S. Geisel.

You’ll remember him better by his pen name – Dr. Seuss.

Today’s “Diary” is a spin off of Dr. Seuss’ last written work… “Oh, The Places You’ll Go”… written a year before his death at the tender age of 83.

We call it…

“Oh, The Places You’ll Coach,” a reminder that coaching basketball overseas is not as easy as it looks.



Today is your day

You’re coaching overseas

You’re off and away

You have an agent on your side

You have a passport in your hand

You’re off to coach hoops

in a very strange land

You’re all on your own

And make no mistake

You’re beginning a journey

of various heartache

You’ll look up and down streets

Look ’em over and stare

About some things you’ll say

“What the hell was that there?”

With your head full of brains

And your Nike’s full of feet

You’re dumb enough to wander

Down this beyond bizarre street

And no English is spoken

in this very strange town

You’re coaching overseas

Don’t let this get you down

Out here things can happen

and they frequently do

You’ll just shake your head… chuckle…

and hope the hotel has shampoo

And when things start to happen

Don’t worry, don’t stew

Your agent’s on speed dial

Your contract is new

And the people will be kind

Because your team is a winner

You’ll celebrate the win

With a God awful dinner

Wherever you go

Fans will whistle and shout

You’re the best of the best

There’s no reason to pout

But, you’ll often get caught

in a fickle situation

Your team will lose games

This is no dam vacation

You’ll fall from first place

with an unpleasant loss

Your GM will knock

He’s pissed, he’s the boss

And when management grumbles

You’re not in for much fun

Double check your agreement

because in two days you’re done

You’ll be kicked to the curb

No money, no life

Some will offer to help

But your career is in strife

You’re coaching overseas

There is pain and frustration

This whole dam affair

is a no win situation

And if you choose to move forward

with your very young team

Is it zone or man-to-man?

Or is this just a bad dream?

Simple, it’s not

I’m afraid you will find

Coaching hoops overseas

is a very tough grind

You’ll get so confused

Your heart will start to race

You’ll pray for health insurance

You can’t keep up this pace

And on you will grind across weird and wild space

Headed, I fear, toward a most useless place

The waiting place… for coaches just waiting

Waiting for a vote of confidence or your agent to call

Or your girlfriend on SKYPE, nope… she’s out at the mall

Or the phone to ring or a new email or two

This whole situation has you down and feeling blue

Waiting for a new team to call

or the axe to soon fall

or waiting around

for a nine hour-flight

Overseas you will find sleepless days and sleepless nights


That’s not what you’ll do!

Somehow you’ll escape

this endless frustration

Your agent will call

with a brand-new situation

A new team to coach

You’re again riding high

Management is solid

The limit’s the sky

A new challenge to face

on this overseas journey

But just to be safe

stay close to your attorney

You’re coaching overseas

There are games to be won

There are points to be scored

Set plays to be run

And the magical things

you can do with that whistle

will keep you ahead

and out of a thistle

A rock star! You’re famous as famous can be

All watching your team on a flat-screen TV

At times overseas

You’ll be all by yourself

Games you can’t win

while your point guards on the shelf

All alone! Whether you like it or not

Alone will be something you are quite a lot

And when your alone

in this strange foreign land

Praying your team

Can make a defensive stand

Scary teams you will face

on this long lonesome road

Your power forward’s sick

Who will carry the load?

But on you will go

Though the prospects seem awful

On you will go though

This all seems unlawful

On you will go

though the management’s a disgrace

Onward you’ll go

feeling all out of place

You’ll get mixed up, of course, on this long winding road

You’ll get mixed up, frustrated and want to explode

Overseas is a place of great spectacle and wonder

It’s a challenging act that you’ve chose to take under

And will you succeed?

No doubt. Yes indeed

Just be sure when you sign

That your contract’s guaranteed

Coach, you’ll win championships

Of this there’s no doubt

You’ll move mountains

Walk on water and the fans they will shout

But be sure to stay humble

as you sort through this mess

It can all fall apart

in a minute or less

You’re coaching overseas

It’s the journey that matters

Just remember in a blink

your career can be in shatters

So boldly move forward

Today is your day

Your translator’s waiting

So… get on your way

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

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