Relief arrived by phone the next day. James announced he was awarding Johnson a four-year contract. And after James provided the Lakers with personal scouting reports on potential housemates — Johnson had said to Spectrum SportsNet that he’d “definitely ask him his opinion because he knows those players better than us” — the most viral casting call in memory commenced. First they signed Rajon Rondo, a point guard who once fastballed a water bottle through a 50-inch television in a film session. Then they signed Lance Stephenson, a guard who established himself as no less than James’ foremost irritant by blowing into his ear canal in the 2014 Eastern Conference finals. Then they signed JaVale McGee, a center so notorious for on-court bloopers that his mother publicly accused Lakers legend and TNT analyst Shaquille O’Neal of bullying her son. And then they signed Michael Beasley, a forward who wore a wristwatch on his right ankle while debating, in a televised interview, whether humans use only 10 percent of their brains. “If the Lakers were ‘Family Matters,'” says one Western Conference source, “this would be like adding four f—ing Urkels.”
